Underwhelming … That’s an unfortunate but accurate word to describe my matches and dates of late. And it’s interesting, because HeyWouldFloyd and Quirky Girl seem to be experiencing very similar spells. Maybe it’s the inordinately high number of (seemingly) dead profiles and non-responsive matches I’ve been coming across in eH, but I’ve unconsciously worked myself into a “meh” state of mind that makes me wonder if I should take a brief hiatus from dating. I’m one of those fiery sorts who hates to do anything if I lack passion for it, so going the half-assed route is wholly unappealing. That’s not to say that there aren’t prospects, but I just don’t feel particularly excited about any of them. And you know, it’s funny because in the past I might have chalked this up to being stuck in a rut and wanting a “knight in shining amour” to sweep me off my feet with dazzling, passionate romance … The trouble is, Ozzy tried to do exactly that and it came across as too much, too fast, too strong. It’s so sadly ironic! A hopeful, dreamy girl waxes lyrical in her mind about the boy who fits her “type” and makes all the right romantic gestures and wants nothing more than to be with her … But in reality, it’s anything but seductive. And man, I miss those days when it all worked out so perfectly in my daydreams! ;-)

So Spader and I had our date on Sunday and it was fun — got dinner and had a few ciders at a Scottish pub nearby (which ended up being a glorified sports bar where the barmaids wore teeny kilts and tattoos in their “tramp stamp” regions, hehe) … I don’t know, I had a good time and we shared a couple of kisses, but it definitely wasn’t fireworks. He texted me out again (such a digital age, having conversations in person seems foreign sometimes!) and I said I was free this weekend. There’s a certain familiar vibe there, going out with someone whom you’ve known for a year — not as much pressure to make the best impressions and having to build up a comfort level from scratch. So we’ll see … Then on Monday I had dinner with a good friend whom I briefly dated last summer. Wonderful guy, but he’s 18 years my senior and 6 inches shorter than me (no joke!) so a romantic relationship definitely wasn’t in the cards. ;-) We have a great friendship though and I had fun hearing his stories about women on JDate and his own eH misfortunes. But I was most looking forward to my date last night with a new Match guy, whom I’m calling Teddy because he’s strongly built but has a very cuddly vibe — and I jokingly referred to him as “fuzzy” after he kept unconsciously stroking his goatee all night. Here again, though, was another instance of a good date that never really “clicked”. We spent a good two hours chatting over our sushi, and then he suggested taking a walk in a nearby park, which I’m always game for. He’s cute, and there was some good chemistry and good smoochin’, but … I don’t know! It’s just one of those instances where there’s a “but” on the end of that sentence and I can’t quite put a finger on what’s missing.

Yeah, I know — some might call it being picky, but I prefer to think of it as refusing to settle. There’s a movie I really enjoy called Dream For An Insomniac, and the two main characters are incredibly drawn to each-other but they have obstacles in their path (he’s in a relationship, she’s moving away). One of the best lines is when the girl tells the guy that “anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time.” A bit dramatic, but true nonetheless! I think this is why I delivered the “I might not be the marrying type” speech to my mom following my broken betrothal, which she’s still having heart palpitations over! But seriously, I don’t care if societal conventions dictate that I should be married at my age (or close to), and I should have X children in my future, and I should just settle. Screw conventions! Where did those conventions get most of our parents and many of our friends/peers? Unhappy, separated, divorced … Blah. If I knew it would make me truly happy, I’d travel the world, have a different lover in every city, and never “settle down”. ;-) In fact, one of the reasons I dig Angelina Jolie is an interview she gave several years ago, where she said that she doesn’t have relationships because she prefers to have lovers. Then she went and met Brad Pitt, but at least it seems that she wasn’t settling, because she’d previously stated that keeping things casual made her the happiest.

Anyway, I’m getting all philosophical about it, but it feels good knowing that I don’t have any kind of relationship “agenda”. And we’ll see where that insight takes me. Today’s eH matches were actually an interesting bunch, and after closing out a number of unresponsive guys, I still have 8 in various stages of communication. I’m hopeful rather than hopeless, and I think that’s the key. And if love is a long time in coming, well … “Friends & Lovers” has a nice ring to it! ;-)

Edited to Add … I just checked my daily horoscope at Yahoo Astrology (cheesy, but fun!) and under “Gemini: Love & Relationships: Daily Singles” it says:

If someone asks you out, and you’re not into it, give them a solid answer. Don’t be afraid to say no. Now’s a great time to let people know where they stand with you. The clarity of your boundaries will give you confidence.

I knew I was onto something! ;-)