Penal Code

This afternoon I was poking around in my Gmail looking for a drawing that Pirate had sent me when I noticed some old emails from Mac and Spinner that also had attachments. My curiosity piqued (as always), I clicked with reckless abandon and was immediately swept up in laughter and remembrance. Ahhhh yes, that fateful day in the Autumn of 2007 came rushing back at me, a day that is destined to go down in risqué email infamy. For that day I received naked, penis-glorying pictures from not one, but two different gentlemen.

I officially have the cockiest friends ever … Pun intended. ;-)

Mac’s first offering was a marvel of modern technology and ingenuity, as well as just plain fucked-up and hilarious! It consisted of four pictures taken with his ubiquitous iPhone in the following order:

– Naked with his lower half fully draped in a towel
– Towel slightly undone
– Towel just barely hanging on by a thread …

And then a close up of an enormous black man’s penis. Burn! But what really made this an awesome prank was the fact that he’d merged these photos into an animated gif. Haha! Cheeky, sneaky, and freaky — no wonder Dr. Warren’s matching scheme put Mac and I together so quickly upon my sign-up! Of course, being the ever so magnanimous guy that Mac is, he made sure to send me a real penis shot just in case I felt cheated — bless his deviant heart. But the universe wasn’t done with its cock-overdose just yet …

A few hours later found two emails from Spinner in my inbox with the subject lines “As Promised”. I clicked with caution:

Remember those pictures I said I’d send you someday? [No …] I hope they lead to some interesting fantasies, hehe. [Oh dear god!]

I scrolled down and there they were — two more penis pictures in all their full-frontal glory. These definitely fell into the “artistic” category (if such a thing exists for amateur porn photos!) with their black and white patina and clever poses. Spinner, as it happens, is a photographer — and he definitely used his “skills” to full effect! And speaking of full … Let’s just say that I’m glad that Google has yet to introduce 3-D emails, as I’d have been concerned about poking my eye out. Hot. Damn.

What’s funny is that I’ve seen Spinner’s piece before, albeit years ago during a brief three month courtship. Sex wasn’t part of the equation, but he wasn’t shy about being naked and if we slept in the same bed he was always in the nude. But there may be something to be said about frequent masturbation, because all I can say is “Holy Trouser-Snake, Batman!” I felt like writing back and responding as one would to a little tyke they haven’t seen infancy. My, how you’ve grown!

Alas, my inbox has been free from copulatory organ invasions since then — must have used up my phallic photo allowance for the year. Maybe I can remedy that situation with my second round of eHarmony action? I should slip that into my profile:

Additional information that BittenChick would like to share:
Penis pictures are desired and required! Get ready to drop your pants, fellas — I need me some virile man meat!

Actually, baby-makin’ wanks are what the majority of eH’s female members are looking for, if my former matches’ stories are to be believed. Oh well, I don’t want to risk blending in!

Ahhhh, it’s amazing the amount of mirth that unexpected photos of a familiar man’s genitals can bring to a girl’s day. (Okay, to this girl’s day!) And dear readers, if you weren’t convinced of my unique craziness before, I’m glad to have erased all doubt! ;-)

♥ BittenChick, Appreciator of Fine Phallic Photographs